We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
