she was so not down for the gang bang
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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