Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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