he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
