Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
