You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
