I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
