how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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