I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
