went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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