glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dear god my vagina.
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