you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
