Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
