This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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