She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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