hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
