just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
