I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
