last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
