I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
