I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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