I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
