If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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