Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
