no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
