just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
