Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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