I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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