yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
two words: eviction party
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
