I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
