hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
