guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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