I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
