I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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