Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
being pregnant is like rehab
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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