No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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