I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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