don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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