Where is the hickey?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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