In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
