there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
