No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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