Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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