so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
