problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
