then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
