ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
