There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
