my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
