Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
